Solitary pleasures: where to start

The effervescence of current feminism brings in its wake the reversal of subjects long reserved for men. Among them, the mysteries and benefits of solitary pleasures. If today the approach to masturbation is slowly changing, the fact of touching oneself is still associated with the stereotypes of pornography. This act is also shrouded in taboo and shame, especially for women whose sexuality is still sadly reduced to procreation.

First, a simple definition: masturbation consists of inducing (on oneself or on a partner) sexual pleasure through manual contact . Approaching it in a positive and guilt-free way is a clear but dizzying horizon: you still have to know where to start. A multitude of questions then arise: what are the benefits of this practice? Do we have to cum? How can gestures, breathing, time, or routine have an impact on our feelings? Is it necessary or relevant to associate solo pleasure with a genre? And then, what exactly do we touch, and with what movements?

Auto-erotism and self-knowledge

 Regardless of the sensations it provides, masturbation conceals virtues that are far from being purely physical. When we touch, we call on many psychic levers that cross our sexualities. To begin with, masturbation allows you to (re)define your eroticism . Very concretely: by knowing what excites us at the moment T (thoughts, visions, voices, caresses, fetishes, etc.), we add a dimension to self-knowledge. These elements - bound to change over the course of a lifetime - draw the moving contours of our sexualities.

Cultivating one's auto-erotism also means understanding one's sexual appetite and taming one's organs: how does one's vulva or penis work, where is the precious clitoris hidden and what are its reactions independently of a partner? By giving yourself pleasure, you dedicate a moment to introspection , to looking at yourself: a moment that is all the more precious because it allows you, with or without enjoyment, to free yourself from the stress of everyday life.

Create your cocoon, find your rhythm.

 To approach this moment in contact with oneself, it is necessary to create one's own space of ease. There is no ideal place or time: under the quilt in secret before sleeping, waking up in the shower, on the sofa before a nap… All contexts are valid provided that you have chosen them. Feel free to add magic to this moment by lighting scented candles or putting on some music. Before getting to the actual stimulation of the sexual organs, do not skimp on the preparation of the body . For example, you can feel both excited and reassured by using massage oil to caress your WHOLE body (belly, thighs, pelvic floor, buttocks, mouth, shoulders, breasts, face, neck, etc.) .

Now let's call a spade a spade. You can delicately play your gestures by trying to alternate back and forth, small circles, inserting fingers, tapping. There is also the rhythm whose transitions can take you even further: slowly, quickly, by pausing, by agreeing to silence, or by trying your hand at edging . Rubbing objects like a silicone sex toy or a shower head - to name a few - in addition to the hands/fingers helps some people achieve orgasm. Be careful though, because the idea of ​​reaching orgasm quickly at all costs is the best way to put pressure on yourself.

Pleasure above all else

When you find a technique that works well, you may tend to replicate it each time you caress. The desired effect is certainly quickly achieved. The problem with a routine that works every time is that when you don't follow it, you can have difficulty climaxing or simply feeling pleasure. To avoid this effect, nothing like changing your routine . Why not rely on the pleasure of the eyes to arouse an emotion that feeds the sexual appetite? We immediately think of the good old pornographic films. A classic often made of multiple and simulated orgasms with which one can also distance oneself by opening up to other equally rich resources: for example, erotic books orcomics , audioporns , or works of art erotic (you can find some inspirations in our pleasure of the eyes section) .

Small technical advice

We can never repeat it enough: feeling rushed or being afraid of being surprised brings together the ideal conditions for the disappearance of all natural lubrication (cum or sperm). So: take your time ! In addition, the skin of the vulva (but also of the glans and the anus) is a sensitive and fragile mucous membrane that requires softness. Have you ever experienced unpleasant effects when your eyes or mouth were dry? For the parts of the body that interest us here, it's the same: hydration and the use of lubricant are the key to pleasant masturbation, without friction or small parasitic pains.

Finally, touching yourself causes physical effects that can be surprising the first few times (swelling of the labia and clitoris, rigidity of the penis, rise in heat, acceleration of the heart rate, contraction of the perineum, sometimes slight tremors, etc.). In order to live them at best, a simple advice: breathe . You might be surprised by the power of an orgasm experienced by trying to blow out instead of contracting. Finally, never forget to wash your hands well before and after touching yourself, as well as any object (sex toy or other) used internally or externally.

Note: Solitary pleasures are part of an intimate and inexhaustible universe of which we have neither the monopoly nor the absolute truth. Thus, everyone is free in their own ways to stimulate themselves, regardless of their body, their life course and the gender they identify with. Not being health professionals, we prefer to ask concrete questions and answer them in a guilt-free way based on our experiences.